1) I'm moody. If I train too much I'm moody because my legs hurt and my core is sore. I'm moody because my calves are cramping and I find it difficult to sleep because my legs ache. The flip-side, I'm moody if I don't train. Two days without the pool and I'm ready to cut a bitch. Last year when I couldn't run for six weeks I was unbearable. I was apt to moments of spontaneous laughter quickly followed by an angry outburst of cuss words only to end with me crying as I told you "I just want to run!" Trust me, you'll want me to run too and just deal with my complaints.
2) My Jeep will smell like a locker room and also resemble one most days. My seatbelt will have a fair amount of crusty, sweaty salt stains in the summer. It is normal to have at least one bike taking up the normal place of my backseat. Just pretend you don't see or smell any of this mess. If you mention it, you might get an extremely self-conscious type explanation that will be so long and detailed you'll wish you'd have never brought it up. Save us both the time and effort, just don't notice my mess.
3) I create a lot of dirty clothes. And by a lot, I mean sometimes 3 to four changes of clothes a day. And not only dirty, but dirty, smelly, sweaty and salt crusted piles of my own filth. Likewise, I do a LOT of laundry. I can't tolerate the piles of sweaty, funky workout clothes so at least you won't have this to worry about.
4) The spandex obsession and the fact I've become all too comfortable in spandex. If you're a triathlete, part of the sport is owning your intricacies. Part of triathlon is spandex and it's cousin Lycra. How do you ride a sweaty bike seat for 4 hours then go for a sweaty run without chafing your boys or your nipples so bad it feels like a friction campfire a Boy Scout would be proud to make? One word, spandex. Spandex is your sweaty anti-chaffing friend and I'm all too comfortable in mine. Grocery store, quick trip for gas, Target run, sure, I'll go there in spandex. Sometimes I'll top off the look with come compression socks. I lost my pride and humility a long time ago. Just be prepared that I may be wearing spandex at any time to any place.
5) Yes, you should tell me if I have dried snot on, in or around my nose. Really, I don't know it's there. Sometimes it's full fledged boogers. Sorry, body functions happen and triathletes are fucking disgusting. It's just a rule. Sometimes when I swim, bike or run the effort causes my nose to flow and the labored breathing of a heifer has a tendency to coat me in a thin film of nose mucus. It wipes off, I swear!
6) Yes, really, I do workout all the time. Not an exaggeration. When I tell you I'm training, that's really where I am. If I don't tell you I'm training but you haven't heard from me or gotten in touch with me for three hours, it's because I'm training. When you say, "you didn't tell me you swam tuesday," usually it's because my robotic consistency and fear of anything non-routine made me just figure you knew. Also, when you say, "you didn't tell me you were training that often," it's because if I told you all of the times I train that is all we'd EVER talk about. I'm not THAT one dimensional, but I'm close.
7) Why do I train like a mad man? This gets complicated. First, I train because I'm passionate, I want to make myself better. Every training session I get better than the one before. I enjoy the process of positive self change. I like getting faster. I like getting more fit. I like seeing my clothes fit better and I like being able to munch down on that occasional cheeseburger with french fries washed down the gullet with a fifth of good bourbon - minus the guilt. I really like to look good in nice clothes. But the off shoot of all this, I really like girls to wanna have sex with me! Seriously, I'll admit it, sex is fun! The better you look the better your chances of putting your naked fun parts with some naked female fun parts and having an awesome night of bedroom chaos! By the same token, all that cardio and being in shape make for some well conditioned bedroom Olympics. There is one thing that can make me skip that pool workout tomorrow morning at 5am and that's a frisky swim around the bed sheets! There you have it, the truth!
8) Do you pee on your bike? No. But the caveat, triathletes are gross and I've learned not to put a hard and fast ceiling on my ability to be absolutely disgusting. So, for now, no, I have some goddamn morals and I don't pee on my seat. Might there come a time? I guess only time will tell. If my bike starts living in the garage that's probably a good sign I've become a seat pee-er.
9) "You get up at 4am to go workout? Are you crazy? Aren't you tired?" Will always be met with "fuck yeah I'm tired! That's the dumbest question ever!" Just because I'm a triathlete doesn't mean I don't get tired. Getting up in the middle of the morning is still getting up in the middle of the goddamn morning. But if I dwelled on that aspect I'd never be a triathlete. I'd never get a morning swim or a morning ride or pack my lunch. Yes, getting up a 4am sucks fucking ass. But I do it. Not because I'm a martyr, not because it's any easier for me but because I have goals. I'm willing to sacrifice my personal comfort and lose sleep in order to achieve my dreams. That's the reason, it's simple. I struggle with the snooze button just like you, some days the bed and the snooze bar even win the battle. But over time my passion wins the war far more often. Trust me, this triathlon stuff isn't easy. I'm no different than you, I'm just willing to be a lot more uncomfortable in the present to reach my goals in the future. Don't underestimate what you can tolerate if you're just willing to put your preconceived ideas aside and make a few sacrifices.
10) I'm driven purely by ego and the fact I think I'm better than everyone. Very wrong! I love myself and I love the feeling I get when I achieve a goal that seems impossible when I start. Have you ever set a goal so high and lofty it scares you? So big it wakes you up at 3am and you can't go back to sleep? If not, then you aren't dreaming big enough! I love chasing down that dream that seems unattainable - until you achieve it. All the sacrifice, hard work, struggle and time pay you back 10 fold when you finally get to the end of the path. When you climb your mountain, tackle your distance or finish that project, that feeling of accomplishment is amazing. That's not egotism, that's self love and getting the feeling that only comes when you really stretch yourself to the limit. That's what I'm addicted too. I got the feeling at my first 5k, I got the feeling at my first 10k, at my first half marathon and my first triathlon. You hit the line, you remember the struggle and the feeling of accomplishment explodes. With me it's usually messy and ugly with tears and hugs - but, it's there. I chase that feeling everyday! There is no better feeling and no better exhibit of self love than chasing down a huge goal with all your passion, try it!
That's the 10 things you should know about me before you spend time with me. I can be Uber grumpy or I can be super motivating. Sometimes I'm disgusting and sometimes I'm downright lovable. Hate me or love me I'm always just me!
No comments:
Post a Comment